I received an email from a friend / client describing their pain and suffering, the feeling of being abandoned by his woman and not knowing if he is good enough, his fear of not being seen, not being loved. After reading this email I had severe pains in my belly and felt like I was gonna puke. I could feel his pain.

That night while lying in bed at 7pm after a beautiful day at the hot springs soaking in mineral water I began to see that I was abandoned. I never thought of myself as having abandonment issues. My father left me when I was 6 or 7 years old. The 1st love of my life left me on my birthday. Wow! I too see that I was abandoned and that I also have abandonment issues.

A friend of mine where I lived had 2 boys at the time he left for an international business trip, it was the 1st time he left home without his family. The oldest boy got sick …. he wouldn’t eat, was depressed. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with him. When my friend (the Dad) came home from the trip the boy started to eat and was fine. The boy “got sick” because is father left and was not there physically with him. This child and his parents are very connected to each other. It is so beautiful to see the closeness and intimacy they have with each other. The are such a close unit a better word may be “Pod” ~ like a pod of dolphins.

This situation with the boy and his Dad made me think about my own experience. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. My father left, didn’t see him much, I remember looking out the window for when he’d show up on the weekend to take me and my brothers out for the day. Sometimes he’d never showed up.

These 2 situations, my friend and his child and the business trip and my own experience with my Dad leaving made me wander about the effects of my Dad’s leaving had on me.

My 1st love leaving me on my birthday, a woman with whom I wanted to pursue all my dreams of love, marriage, child rearing and parenting with … left.

Being still and observing this within, having compassion for myself and the pain. As I do the pain leaves and an opening of and to love emerges.